Back from Ohio

I drove 15 hours with my munchkins yesterday home from Ohio. We split up the trip on the way down and stayed over at a hotel but it really is more work to get the kids unpacked and into a hotel room by myself then just enduring the misery of such a long drive. The kids did great on the way home and not a single tear was shed. Thank goodness for their individual DVD players, we could not have done it without them. It's just too far.

My Grandma was very thankful we came for the week. It was a loooong week. The hospital my Grandad is in is an hour from her house so it would be too much for her to have driven it everyday. He has improved a tiny bit. He got the breathing tube out of his throat and had a tracheostomy put in. When they take him off the ventilator, his blood pressure goes up. When they take him off the sedation, he get aggitated and moves too much and risks knocking something out. He is basically like a newborn baby right now mentally and physically. He will have to relearn everything. The best part was one night my brother and I went up to see him and I told him to open his eyes and he looked right at me and a tear come out. After the trach surgery he was able to keep his eyes open for an hour and breath on his own too. Each day they will try to extend that time and get him off the vent and meds. So, I know he is in there. We just need to get him to come out! My brother called to brag today that he smiled twice today. Whether its all reflex and there is no brain function behind it, we like to think there is hope!

I definitely learned what kind of nurse I want to be. Maybe because they work in ICU and are numb to everything, they forget that these patients are someones loved ones. Maybe they just have little social skills. I want to be positive and focus on the good. I want to encourage without giving my opinions on the future. I want to learn about my patients and suit my care to their needs. I was nice when we heard the nurses comment that my Grandad was a runner and must be very strong! That made my Grandma happy. Too many just saw a near comatose old man and didn't care enough to talk to my Grandma about him and basically ignored her. I also want to make sure that the families get to talk to the doctor. She went 14 days without talking to him. I couldn't believe when I got there that she hadn't seen or heard from him since BEFORE his brain surgery. I fixed that and now she feels comfortable requesting to talk to him and asking him everything on her mind.

Anyway, that is my vent for the day. I am so glad to be home safe with my family. I am trying to appreciate my husband more. As much as my Grandma griped about my Grandad, I know she would give ANYTHING to have her companion back!

Grandad

My Grandma and Grandad in probably near 1955 with their first-born son, my uncle Gary. I had to take this of a real 3x3 pic with my cell so forgive me for the quality.

I LOVE this pic! I keep wanting to take it to Kinko to have them enlarge it and get it framed. My Gram and Grandad in LOVE! Weird to see Grandad with HAIR!

I have been wanting to post every day for a week now but just could not find the words. So, two glasses of wine later, here they are.

Last Tuesday while at lunch, my mom called and told me my Grandad went to the ER and had been Medi-Flighted to a larger hospital and had a hemorrhagic stroke. Last Tuesday he went to the ER complaining of vomiting. A few hours later, he had had brain surgery to put in some tubes to let the blood in his brain flow. Those few hours have impacted my family greatly. Those few hours took a man who just spent 2 weeks vacationing in Florida visiting my mom, golfing daily, able to run a 10K without trouble. My Grandad is 84 years old and spends 5 hours a day in his amazing garden. He still works as a Life Insurance agent. He golfs weekly. He runs a few times a week. He goes to the VFW, the Moose and the Elks to spend time with the guys. He is not your normal 84 year old. Until Tuesday. Now, my Grandad is laying in a hospital bed, hasn't breathed on his own for more than an hour in 7 days. He has tubes and needles poking out of every part of his body. He shows 15 minutes of improvement, gets everyones hopes up and then starts flailing around and makes our hearts sink. My Grandad is not doing well. So, for the few people that may read this. . . please pray for him.

Please pray for my Grama. She is acting like nothing has happened. They celebrated their 58th Wedding Anniversary 2 weeks ago. She has spent more than 58 years with him and she is acting like nothing happened.

Everyone grieves differently. Even though we have not lost my Grandad yet, she definitely has lost a big part of him. I cannot express how much I miss him already. I cannot express how much it hurts. I have cried (mostly in my car, I guess because the kids cannot see my tears when I am driving) every day over the past week.

I am driving 15 hours with my two kids Friday to go see my Grandad. I could save my money in order to be able to fly up when he dies. I could spend my Spring Break building the new desk I want in my front room. I could sit around and reminisce of the days I had no plans. Instead, I am going to go be with my Grama while she visits my Grandad every day. 7 days. I will get to spend 7 days with him. It may be the last 7 days I ever see him.

Okay, I am now bawling. I have to stop this. Please pray for me. Pray that I do not say anything to hurt my Gramas feeling. Pray that I can help her grieve. Pray that my Grandad comes out of this